A New Life in Florida

January 2011

After a few years of thyroid craziness, I was finally feeling well enough to become a snowbird for three months in Sarasota, Florida. I fell in love with the city all over again and knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is where I wanted to move to in several years. I was thrilled at all of the greenery and flowers that were in bloom in the winter!!!! When I would think about the snow, cold and windy weather I was leaving behind in Western New York, I was positively giddy with excitement and gratitude for being lucky enough to spend time in this paradise. To be quite honest, at the end of March 2011, I did not feel ready to return up North, but my time was up and I reluctantly returned home while promising myself I would indeed move here in several years.

Upon returning home, however, it was readily apparent that winter weather was still in full effect in Western New York. I berated myself for not staying another month in Florida and was, in all honesty, pretty miserable at having to return to home. The skies were gray and the trees were bare and it was downright frigid outside. Where was the technicolor, sunshine and warmth that I so desperately longed for? Certainly not in Western New York——-at least not now! Over the next couple of months, it became harder and harder for me to re-acclimate myself to my native habitat after having sampled the beauty of Florida. Coupled with this, my daughter was pushing me to move up our relocation to Sarasota. She was just as eager to leave the snow and cold as was I!! Actually, since our lease was up at the end of August of that year, there was really no reason why we couldn’t move much sooner. As this new idea began to percolate in my brain, I realized that it was doable! It would be tight financially for several years, but it could be done. So with that, the decision was made to go for it and move to Florida that same year! We were even lucky enough to be able to rent the house that I had rented as a snow bird, albeit on a month-to-month basis, as it was for sale. On September 1, 2011 we officially became official Sarasota residents!! WOO HOO!

My daughter and I quickly became immersed in the beauty and activity of Sarasota. There was so much to see and explore that we were delighted and thrilled to be there. But our excitement was short-lived. Within a day or two after we arrived, we learned that the house we rented had been sold, with a closing date of December 31st! So now we were faced with finding a new rental home. Most fortunately, the new buyer was from California and couldn’t relocate to Sarasota until the following September, so he permitted us to rent from him at the same rate through July of the following year! I was thoroughly in love with Sarasota and all it had to offer so it broke my heart when we had to leave that home at the end of July 2012. My daughter had found a spiritual group (and the love of her life!) In Gainesville, Florida shortly after we arrived and was bound and determined to move there in July. Because I needed her share of the rent money, I felt I had no choice but to move to Gainesville with her. We found a nice house in Gainesville to rent and I also became part of this spiritual group that my daughter was a part of. Within a short amount of time, it became apparent to me that this spiritual group was nothing more than a cult and Gainesville had absolutely nothing to offer me! I was miserable and missed Sarasota terribly! But my daughter announced that she was pregnant and she and her fiancé were planning to get married in February. I was shell-shocked, to say the least! She had known him for such a short amount of time and here she was pregnant! But they had a beautiful, simple outdoor wedding and the three of us lived together in the rental home. I felt like a fifth wheel in their relationship and felt I had no friends or activities of my own in Gainesville. Much to my daughter’s anger and disappointment, I had decided to move back to Sarasota at the end of the lease since I knew I didn’t belong in Gainesville. She felt I was deserting her while she needed me most during her upcoming childbirth. I assured her that we could visit back and forth and that I would there for the birth of their child.

Thanks to the receipt of Social Security, I was able to find a lovely 2-bed, 2-bath apartment in Sarasota. After settling in, my daughter and son-in-law visited me from time to time. It was apparent that my daughter was really missing Sarasota and enjoyed being back there. She was working with a midwifery group in Gainesville since she and my son-in-law wanted to have a natural, at-home water birth. As her due date drew near; however, the midwife felt her pregnancy had become too lengthy and that she have her labor induced. My daughter absolutely refused to do this, upon which the midwifery group would no longer work with her. They did recommend a group of midwives in Sarasota that would be willing to work with her for a longer period of time. Given that option, they came to stay with me while working with the midwives in Sarasota. The inflatable hot tub was delivered so the home birth could take place in my apartment. I had no qualms about it since I knew that a midwife would be there supervising the entire labor and delivery of the baby. But when my daughter’s delivery became two weeks overdue, the Sarasota midwives insisted she go to the hospital to be checked out because they would no longer work with her! Upon arriving at the hospital and undergoing an examination, the doctor informed me that she would no longer be having a home birth, that she would be admitted to the hospital to give delivery there. The doctor was concerned because every time my daughter had a contraction, the baby’s heartbeat would drop. But my daughter knew from her research that this was a ploy that doctors use to get the mother to deliver in the hospital. She checked herself out of the hospital against the doctor’s advice and we returned home. She and my son-in-law then went to a second hospital where she was essentially strapped down to a bed and forbidden from moving around. Once again, she checked herself out against the doctor’s advice and they returned to my apartment. It was then that it dawned on me that they were going to have this baby on their own!!!! I was suddenly filled with terror and aged 10 years that night! So many things could go wrong!!! What were they thinking??

I was a nervous wreck as I heard my daughter crying out in pain. A number of times I was very close to calling an ambulance, but I knew they would never forgive me for that. But what if my grandchild was lost in the process??? Fortunately, a friend came over who was a student in midwifery and she coached my daughter and son-in-law through the process. I will be forever grateful to her for showing up when she did. She was able to explain what was happening and that it was perfectly normal. She really calmed my fears. Eventually, my beautiful grandson was born with his eyes wide open!! I drove my son-in-law and new grandchild to a nearby hospital to be checked out, while the student midwife stayed behind to help my daughter deliver the placenta. The new little family stayed with me for the next three weeks while my daughter recuperated and I got to bond with my grandson. It was a wonderful time and I hated to see them leave to return to Gainesville.

July 2014

Upon learning that rent on my apartment was about to double, I quickly found a spacious and modestly priced condo for sale in the central part of Sarasota. My mortgage and condo fees were less than the original rental amount for the apartment that I just left behind. I enjoyed myself decorating the condo to my tastes and making it my own. Finally, I was in an affordable home that could not be sold out from under me or have the rent jacked sky high! I felt financially secure for the first time in a long time.

About six weeks after moving into my new home, my daughter called to inform me that they were having big problems with the spiritual “cult” in Gainesville and wanted to get out of that area permanently. They wanted to know if they could come and live with me. I was very conflicted over this. I knew the three of us didn’t get along that well when we lived together in Gainesville, but on the other hand I relished the idea of having my daughter nearby and getting to spend lots of time with my grandson. I consented to them moving in, but foolishly did not set a time limit on their stay. It was soon apparent that having 4 people living in a 1200 square foot condo could make for some tense moments. Just trying to prepare meals at the same time in a small galley kitchen was frustrating. But the problems ran much deeper than that. Our lifestyles were in sharp contrast to one another. For example, they stayed up all night and slept during the day. This meant they prepared meals in the middle of the night creating odors and noise which made it very difficult for me to sleep. Their standards of cleanliness were very “relaxed”, which bothered me a great deal as I at least liked to keep clutter picked up and my surroundings generally presentable to outsiders. Worst of all, they fought a lot with each other and I was often dragged into the middle of their arguments. That was the very last thing that I wanted! I didn’t get divorced to be caught up in another couple’s battles. Needless to say, things were extremely tense when all I had wanted to create in my new home was a sanctuary of peace and quiet. I started to drink heavily in an attempt to self-medicate my feeling of being trapped in a situation that I didn’t know how to get out of. If I told them to leave, I was afraid that I would permanently alienate my daughter and risk never seeing my grandson again. I felt much as I did during my second marriage: caught in a situation that I saw no way out of. Finally, after feeling that I could not deal with our living arrangement any longer, in December 2015 I told them that they needed to find another place to live. I told them that it would be best for all of us so that they could live the way they wanted to and I wouldn’t have my nose in their business any longer. Initially, I think my daughter was angry and resentful, but she eventually saw the wisdom of getting a place of their own. At the end of January 2016, they moved into a very nice 2-bed, 2-bath apartment just up the road from my home, so I still got to see them often. I want to clearly state, that I love my daughter and son-in-law dearly and that we all get along quite well now. They’ve been a tremendous help to me as I’ve dealt with my health challenges, both emotionally and financially. We just agree that we don’t make very good housemates.

February—May 2016

I was getting used to my “empty nest’ and becoming more socially involved in the community. I had joined a number of Meet-up groups in town that got me out of the house. I also started what I call “whimsical” painting, which is the painting of crazy designs in acrylic paint on furniture, walls, canvas, picture frames, etc. I really, thoroughly enjoyed it as it served as a creative outlet for me. I had also been involved in strength training at 20 Minutes to Fitness, which is a once-a-week workout. It was perfect for me as I really and truly hate to exercise, but felt that I was doing something to keep myself fit and strong.