Sharing My Experience with the Public

January 1999

I returned to work at the County Social Services Department with some trepidation. I knew the stress of my job would not be conducive to my continued healing, but I really had no choice. As the only real breadwinner in the family with a child to support, I desperately needed the job. The stresses of the job were multiple: never-ending demands from my boss, whom I did not get along with; dealing with the concerns and problems of those I supervised; and often having to step in to resolve issues with the clients that our office served. Despite the strains of the job, make no mistake . . . I was extremely grateful for it. At the time, it was considered one of the better paying jobs in the area. Also, it was a unionized, civil service position which meant regular salary increases, excellent benefits (including paid health insurance, paid vacations, sick days and personal days), and above all, job security. To top it off, I was assured a fully-paid lifetime pension through the State when I retired. Being very security minded, these assets were like gold to me and I wasn’t about to take them for granted or walk away from them.

January 2000

After having two years of cancer survivorship under my belt and feeling healthy and happy with the treatment choices I had made, I started thinking about how I could share this information with others. I figured why should people suffer through barbaric cancer treatments when they did have to? They just needed to know what I knew and I could save the world! (Stop it. I can see you rolling your eyes). So . . . I approached a number of schools districts in the County to propose my teaching a one-evening course in their continuing education programs on my experiences in my cancer journey. I would highlight the treatments I used, the physicians I received treatments from, and talk about recommended books and videos, as well as resources that they could access for more information. The majority of school districts turned me down because I didn’t advocate for traditional cancer treatments, i.e., chemotherapy and radiation. But there were three or four school districts that accepted my proposal and I was off and running that autumn. It took many hours of preparation to come up with the material for that class, including the composition of handouts that contained a lengthy list of recommended books and local resources. I’ll never forget the very first presentation I gave. That evening, as I prepared to “go on”, I was sweating bullets! Although I had my cheat sheet (aka index cards) to remind me of all the salient points that needed to be covered, I fervently asked Jesus to speak through me so that I would truly connect with the audience and tell them what they really needed to know. I also sincerely prayed that the information I was giving out would help at least one person in attendance that evening. When I arrived in my assigned classroom that evening, I was shocked to see the large number of people that turned out for my presentation! There had to be at least 25-30 people there, which might as well have been a sold-out crowd at Madison Square Garden as far as I was concerned. I couldn’t believe that that many people were interested in what I had to say. That’s when the nerves really started to kick in. Here I was facing all of these eager faces, people who were expecting to hear something profound and meaningful; something they could actually use for themselves or a loved one. That’s when I took the plunge and just began my presentation. Miraculously, the words began to flow effortlessly and I actually started to enjoy myself. My presentation seemed to be very well received since the participants were asking lots of questions both during and after my talk. There was one elderly gentlemen who took my class twice because he said he was so fascinated with the information and my experience. My future classes were also very well attended and I became known as something of a “go to” person in the community for those who had questions about alternative cancer treatments. It felt really good for awhile and I’ll admit it massaged my ego. But after a few seasons, I quit doing the classes for a couple of reasons. First, I felt I had saturated my “market”; it appeared I had reached just about everyone who expressed an interest in this information as later classes dwindled in size substantially. Second, I just grew tired of being associated with the word “cancer”. I didn’t want that energy around me anymore. I just wanted to get on with my life and be plain ol’ Barb. As if that can ever happen once you’ve had a cancer diagnosis.